Restorative Work and the Double Empathy Problem
Written by Dawn Molitor, Why RJ Consultant & Facilitator, and adapted for the Why RJ Blog
What happens when the people in a restorative conversation don’t experience, process, or communicate about the world in the same way?
For Dawn Molitor, this question sits at the intersection of restorative practice, neurodiversity, and the work of creating spaces where people genuinely feel heard.
Following the National Association of Community and Restorative Justice (NACRJ) conference in New Orleans, Dawn reflects on a theme that surfaced across many different restorative contexts: so much of conflict begins with misunderstanding.
Our Why RJ presentation, Bridging Minds: Using Restorative Practices for Listening for Understanding Across Neurotypes, explored how differences in communication and processing can shape the way conflict is experienced and interpreted. These differences become particularly important when working with neurodivergent people and considering the double empathy problem, the understanding that communication breakdowns between neurodivergent and neurotypical people can be mutual, rather than a deficit belonging to one person.
A delayed response, no eye contact, silence, difficulty answering a question, or a need to communicate differently can easily be interpreted as avoidance, disrespect, or disengagement. Yet these behaviors may reflect differences in processing and communication rather than an unwillingness to participate.
For restorative practitioners, this distinction matters.
Restorative practice asks us to listen for understanding, recognize impact and perspective, and create opportunities for repair and connection. Doing that well requires more than simply giving someone a voice. It requires creating conditions where people can communicate in ways that work for them, and being willing to recognize communication that may look different from our own.
Dawn invites restorative practitioners, educators, and other community members to shift the questions they ask:
Is everyone regulated? How is this person communicating? What might be missing? What would help them feel heard? What could we change to make mutual understanding possible?
When neurological differences are understood as part of human variation rather than deficits to be corrected, restorative practice provides a way to be more inclusive, responsive, and relational.
The goal is not for everyone to communicate in the same way. The work is learning how to listen differently.
Read Dawn’s full reflection on restorative practice, neurodiversity, and the double empathy problem, and consider the question at the heart of her work:
Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone felt heard?
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